幽默笑话杂志英文原著

互联网不仅是我们生活中不可缺少的，而且也是我们工作学习之余缓解压力、舒缓情绪的重要渠道。正是由于我们有这样的需要，网络笑话得以繁荣兴盛。本文是关于幽默英文小笑话，希望对大家有帮助!

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better makeamends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."

A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.

"What would you like to do next?" he asked.

"I wanna be weighed," she said.

So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.

"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

"I wanna be weighed," she said.

He really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"

"Wousy," said the girl.

This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off.

One day his wife came home with a diamond neckless. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."

The next night she came home with a mink coat. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."

The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo. Please go upstairs and run my bath for me."

His wife came upstairs to find a very small amount of water in the tub.

The wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?"

The guy replied: "I didn't want you to wet your bingo card".

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain achuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seemawfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

"The car won't start," aid a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

笑话能反映出一个民族的价值系统及其对周围世界肯定和否定的态度。我精心收集了关于英国的英文笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

Englishman

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. "Nothing," the Englishman answered imperturbably, "It’s simply that my room is on fire."

一个英国人

一天晚上，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后 他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。 半小时之后.这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：”没什么.只不过是我的房间里起火了。“

看了“关于英国的英文笑话”后，我分享英语文章“粗俗笑话在英国引起公愤”!

粗俗笑话在英国引起公愤

PUBLIC outrage in Britain over a prank phone call recently broadcast on BBC radio has prompted a national debate in Britain – is a society once famous for its decorum becoming vulgar?

10月16日的事件引发了这个争论。

The cause of the row was an incident on October 16.

两个著名的英国艺人，拉塞尔-布兰德和乔纳-森罗丝，在无线广播节目中恶意中伤喜剧演员安德鲁-萨克斯。

Two popular British entertainers, Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross, recorded a radio show in which they left insulting messages for a comedian, Andrew Sachs.

二人声称布兰德声称跟萨克斯的孙女发生过性行为。

The messages claimed that Brand had had sexual relations with Sachs's granddaughter.

如今，在英国，晚9点后，几乎每个电视节目中都带有或多或少的过激言论。

In fact, it is now impossible in Britain to turn on the television after 9 o'clock at night, without finding a program containing strong language.

在我们祖父母那个文明社会中，粗俗语言为大家所不齿。但是，它们却在如今这个随意的社会中被人们所接受。

Vulgar language, which was avoided in our grandparent's polite society, is an accepted part of today's permissive society.

电视节目中粗俗语言的增加影响了英国家庭观看电视节目的习惯。

The rise of vulgarity on TV has affected British families' viewing habits.

过去，许多家庭喜欢在晚饭后坐在一起观看电视节目。

In the past, many families enjoyed sitting down together after dinner to watch TV.

但现在年轻人喜欢在他们父母不在身边的时候观看粗俗喜剧，因为当他们和父母坐在一起的时候，那种肮脏下流的幽默会使他们感觉很尴尬。

But today young people prefer to watch crude comedy shows without their parents, as they feel embarrassed by the dirty humor when they sit next to their parents.

另一种对电视节目的不满是因为当今英国电视节目越来越男性化。几乎很少有女性演职人员。

The other common complaint about British TV today is that it has become too macho. There are too few female presenters.

随便打开任意一个喜剧性质的访谈节目，大多数嘉宾都是男性，开的大多数玩笑都是关于性。

On any given comedy chat show, most of the guests will be male and most of the jokes about sex.

A National Joke: Popular Comedy and English National Identity一书的作者安迪梅德赫斯特表示，英国式幽默有低俗的倾向。

Andy Medhurst, author of A National Joke: Popular Comedy and English National Identity, says British humor has a nasty streak.

我经常会说这么一句话：喜剧不是个大教室而是一个游乐场。

"I've always said that comedy is a playground, not a schoolroom.

安迪梅德赫斯特向英国《卫报》透露，喜剧是个十分极端的地域，在这里你能变得越来越粗俗越来越愤世嫉俗，在这里你不用在乎你的举止。

It's a place of extremes where you can be more crude and more cynical, and where you don't have to mind your behavior," Medhurst told British newspaper The Guardian.

无疑，英国年轻一代喜欢大胆的幽默而不是小心的连结局都能预料出来的笑话。

Certainly Britain's younger generations prefer daring humor to safe predictable jokes.

其潜在的规则是，如果笑话越具有攻击性，那么它得到的笑声就会越多。

As a rule, the more offensive a joke is, the more laughs it will get.

英语幽默笑话小说

Long Life

A man was selling medicines at a fair. At first he sold bottles of a cure for colds for just a dollar a bottle.

Many people wanted to buy it and the man's young assistant moved quickly through the crowd collecting money and handing out bottles of the cold cure.

Then, when he had a big crowd, the man held up a very small bottle.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, ” he shouted. “here is the medicine you have been waiting for. The cure for old age. Drink just one bottle of this and you will live forever.”

“And, ladies and gentlemen,” the man continued, “I'm not going to charge you a hundred dollars a bottle for this wonderful medicine. I'm not going to charge you fifty dollars a bottle. I'm not going to charge you twenty five dollars a bottle. No, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to charge you just ten dollars a bottle. Think, my friends, for ten dollars you can live forever.”

Most of the people in the crowd did not believe this.

One person shouted, “if it will make you live forever, why don't you drink it?”

Then another person cried , “Yes, you look as if you're at least sixty years old. ”

“Thank you, sir, thank you,” the man replied, “I'm so glad you said that. My real age is three hundred and twenty nine. ”

The crowd laughed at this but there were still a few people who wanted to believe the man. One of them spoke to the man's assistant as she passed by. “Is that true,” he asked, “that he's three hundred and twenty-nine?”

“Don't ask me,” the assistant said, “I've only worked for him for a hundred and fifty years.”

译：长生不老

一人在集市卖药。起先他卖一美元一瓶的治感冒的药。

很多人想买药，那人的'年轻助手迅速穿行于人群中，一边收钱，一边递药。

然后当围观的人多起来时，那人举起一个小瓶子。

“听着，女士们，先生们，”那人喊道，“这就是你们一直想要的药。

消除衰老的药。只吃一瓶，就会长生不老。”

“女士们，先生们，”那人接着说道，“对这种神奇的药，我不打算卖一瓶100美元。我不打算卖一瓶50美元，我也不打算卖一瓶25美元。我只打算卖一瓶10美元。想想吧，朋友们，只花10美元，你们就能长生不老。”