简单改改吧.1)第3行那里,being used among computers 放在这里显得太累赘,该把它放到第2句的language后面,然后把第2行的that is改成called(过去分词当定语使用),然后在which is前加逗号变成非限制性定语从句.2)第3行basal前没必要加)第6行那里in charge of的的发出对象通常是人,即是某某管理负责什么事,用在这里不妥,干脆改成三个动词不定式并列,即The main task of Control Module is to manage,send,control the )倒数第3行到packets那里加逗号,然后将后面的with the carrier of its data part改成the data part can be used as the carrier helping realize the protocol,然后namely with the ...改成that means we can use the form of IP head+ ICMP head+data(simple user-defined protocol) to realize the correspondence among different computers to achieve the goal of net-controlling.总的来说是写得很不错的,不过要记住的是,多用从句固然是好,但太多的从句会使句子显得太过累赘,应该简单句加复合句交替使用,显得文章句式比较various.呼呼,不知不绝做了半个小时呢,呵呵