请求外教润色作文的英语作文

Hello,My name is XXX,and my Chinese name is XXX I am XX years I graduated from XXX SMy hobbies include watching movies,surfing the Internet as well as reading books and listening to music in my spare I have always been told by my friends that I am an open and optimistic person who is easy to get along Also I'm a person with strong will and an independent Nowadays, I am very glad to know all of you and wish to make friends with I believe we will have a great time during the following school years Thank you very much!

Withthedevelopmentofthetimes(随着时代的发展应该是Withthedevelopmentoftime,),chattingonlinehasbecomeanindispensablepartofourdailylife,especiallywith(这里介词应用for)Asoneofmymostmeaningfulexperiences,Foronething,itprovidesusaconvenientandefficientmethodtocontactourfriends,letuseventhousandsofmilesawaycanalsokeepintouch(改为andwecaneasilykeepintouchnomatterhowgreatthedistancebetweenus)Unlikethetelephone,wehavetohaveamobilephoneeachothercanwehaveatalk(改为wecanonlystartaconversationbyholdingamoblephoneinhand),Chattingonlinecanoffermemuchopportunity(moreoppotunities)Foranotherreason,Also,(改成inthemeantime)(改成)Though(通过吧?through)chattingonline,Ihavemorechancestomakenewfriendswhocanhelpmeand(+wecan)Andthemostcriticalresultofchattingonlineisthatwecanshareourmoodwithourfriendsatanytime,(inaface-to-facetalk)NowItendtochatonlineinEnglish,whichcanpromoteour(改成my，不然和前面的I不搭)spokenEInshort,thereisnotanythinginmylifethatismorebeneficialthanchattingonlineifwe(I)楼主写的很好，我只是稍加润色